


For the Better

by secretgirlgangs



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, I'll keep all my emotions right here and then one day I'll die, Mutual Pining, Non-Graphic Violence, Oral Sex, Vaginal Sex, father-figure Dave Rossi, two smart people are also two massive idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:54:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23455864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretgirlgangs/pseuds/secretgirlgangs
Summary: It was what they needed at the time. It was what they wanted. It was just sex. If they didn’t acknowledge it, they couldn't ruin things. But in their line of work, nothing stays buried for long.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	1. Physical Proof

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, gorgeous. Welcome to my self-indulgent, self-serving fanfiction.  
> Takes place episodes 7.2 - 7.24. I haven’t seen the entire show so apologies in advance for any inconsistencies.

It was after their family dinner at Rossi’s that everything changed.

Emily was alive. JJ was forgiven. Reid was still recovering from emotional whiplash. And for the first time since joining the BAU, Carmen Maison was starting to feel like maybe she really  _ did _ belong there, with the team;  _ her  _ team.

It wasn’t their fault that she was used to being a loner; they’d been nothing but welcoming to her. She was just starting to figure out how to stop holding everyone at arm’s length when suddenly, Emily was dead. Carmen felt the sadness, the grief… but also the regret. She wished she’d known Emily better. They could’ve gotten on, she thought. JJ had a partner and child, and Penelope, while always lovely towards her, just had completely different interests. Carmen figured that Emily was her best bet at a close female friendship there, with their similar lifestyles and all.

Then she was gone.

And then, she wasn’t.

Carmen vowed to make her connection with the team a bigger priority. She’d always been less married to her work than she’d been consumed by it. She knew that if she didn’t make an effort to show up for them, she was only going to hurt herself.

(It had taken many glasses of wine on her couch before conceding to the thought, but eventually she worked it out.)

She was just beginning to get undressed after returning from Rossi’s when she got a call from the last member of the team she’d ever expected to hear from outside of work.

“Reid? Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Um, I don’t know. I guess I’m just surprised you’re calling me. This late at night. When we just saw each other for hours.”

“I’m sorry, is now a bad time?”

He sounded so sincere, and besides, she was curious. “No, not at all. Actually, I’m surprised you’re calling me at all.”

“Why’s that?”

Maybe it was the red wine coursing through her veins that loosened Carmen’s lips. Maybe it was the freedom of her half-undressed state. Maybe it was the lingering euphoria of feeling loved, accepted, wanted…

“Because frankly, I didn’t really think that you were, you know, my biggest fan at the BAU. We… we don’t really talk outside of work, ever.”

There was silence on the other end of the line, and Carmen’s grip on her cell phone tightened.

“Reid? You still there?”

“I’m still here. I think… you’re not exactly my ‘biggest fan’, are you?”

“What? No! I mean, I…” Now the wine was a sure hindrance. “I like you plenty. Just wondering, um, to what do I owe the pleasure of your call tonight, Reid?”

“Oh. Well, I… I like you too, you know. I’m - I’m sorry if I did anything to make you think differently. And I’m calling because…” More silence, but only for a few seconds. Then Reid continued, in a quiet voice, “Shit. I don’t really know.”

Carmen’s internal lie detector went off. He knew why he was calling her, but he couldn’t or wouldn’t say it out loud. So she tried another approach.

“Reid, would you like to come over?”

“I don’t want to impose.”

“You wouldn’t be imposing. I invited you. I’d really like it if you came. But only if you want to.”

Only a beat of silence this time. “Then I think I’d like that very much.”

“Great.” Carmen found herself smiling. It was a bright, pure smile. “I’ll text you my address.”

* * *

It was after they’d all finished cooking and eating their respective Italian creations. Carmen’s had been declared the best, but Emily accused her of cheating - after all, she’d known Rossi for years, who was to say that he hadn’t already imparted some culinary wisdom on her?

“That reminds me, what’s the story behind that?” JJ gestured between Rossi and Carmen. “We barely got any background when you were recruited, Car, besides the usual stuff.”

“Oh, man.” Carmen blew a stray piece of hair from her face; her thick brown curls were loosely being restrained in a ponytail, held by a polka-dot ribbon tied in a knot. “Let’s see. I was working as a private investigator in Florida then, I had just finished my psychology degree. Rossi and I, we quite literally ran into each other, and he helped me out of a jam.”

“What our dear Agent Maison  _ means _ to say is,” Rossi interjected, “that she  _ quite literally _ brought a knife to a gunfight, and I had to save her scrappy ass.”

Carmen threw back her head and laughed in a way that no one on the team had ever seen from her before. Her smile was infectious, but Reid found himself completely transfixed by the sight and sound of her. She’d suddenly invoked a feeling within him that wasn’t entirely foreign, but he couldn’t place it right then and there. He made a mental note to revisit it later.

“Okay, how was I supposed to know that the cheating husband I was tailing was  _ also _ a very wanted criminal?” Carmen tried to defend herself.

“So, you weren’t a very good P.I.?” Derek joked.

“I’ll have you know I was a great P.I., that just wasn’t the kind of information I was looking for in my line of investigation. I made a killing down in Central Florida catching old men cheating on their wives and helping said wives get excellent divorce settlements. Those women were always nervous they’d be left with nothing if they didn’t stay in terrible marriages.”

“Aw, that’s so nice,” Penelope said, putting her hand over her heart and leaning against Derek’s shoulder.

“Oh, well, I’m not going to act like I was a saint down there,” Carmen admitted.

When she didn’t continue, JJ lightly poked her in the leg with her foot.

“Okay, elaborate on that!”

“I mean, come on, I was using basic Internet sleuthing skills to catch the men on dating sites and simply following them around, and I was charging pretty steep rates. Sometimes if I needed a little more to seal the deal, I’d get dressed up and wear a wire while I tried to get the guy to hit on me or whatever,” Carmen shrugged.

“Classic honey trap,” Rossi chuckled.

“You know it.” Carmen raised her wine glass towards him, then drained the contents. “Anyway, some of those women were so grateful that they would pay me bonuses… one even bought me my car. I mean, not new or anything, but still, that’s a huge gesture and not a small purchase.”

“How did you find a bunch of older women with cheating husbands to bleed dry?” Hotch asked, grinning.

“Well, I’ve mentioned I was raised by my grandparents, right? Okay, so they lived in an area in Florida that was pretty densely populated by other elderly, retired people.” Carmen had set down her wine glass and was telling her story with her hands, something that Reid once again found himself unable to tear his eyes from. “And there weren’t a lot of other kids my age around, so what else did a small, curious girl have to do but snoop around and eavesdrop? I knew  _ everyone’s  _ business by the time I was a teenager, and I knew how bad some of those women wanted out of their marriages, but they were scared for financial reasons. Proof of adultery gave them a much better case to keep assets in their divorces. A lot of the men I would try to honey-trap knew me already, but they figured, ‘hey, she’s legal and wants me, why not?’” Carmen wrinkled her nose at the memories. “Ridiculous.”

“And gross!” Penelope added.

“I feel like I’m learning so much about you,” JJ said, smiling warmly.

“This does explain a lot,” Derek agreed.

“Spence, you’re being awfully quiet,” Penelope observed, lightly elbowing the man on her other side.

“I was just listening,” he said quickly, feeling himself flush at being called out. “You’re a good storyteller,” he said, addressing Carmen.

Carmen smiled at him in a way that reignited his earlier feeling - the one that stirred deep in his chest - and he felt himself getting even warmer. “Thanks, Reid. Emily, will you pour me some more wine?”

  
  


_ What am I doing here? _ Reid wondered as he knocked on Carmen’s apartment door.  _ She invited me, but still… I didn’t even think about if she was coming home to a boyfriend - partner - before I called. I don’t really know much about her. Does anyone on the team? _

Carmen answered the door with a gentle smile. “Glad you showed. Come on in.”

Reid nodded his thanks as Carmen ushered him in and locked the door behind them.

“I put a pot of coffee on. Decaf, since it’s late. Would you like the tour? It’s not much, but-”

“Why did you think I don’t like you?”

Carmen stopped in her tracks and stared up at her guest. “I… wow, okay. Let’s go sit down on the couch.”

Once they were settled, Carmen leaned back and sighed. Reid took in her appearance; she’d changed into black leggings and a maroon henley with black fuzzy socks on her feet, and her hair was up in a messy bun. Her small gold hoop earrings were still in.

“Look, I guess I just kind of jumped to conclusions,” she began. “It felt like after I was with the team for a few months, I’d formed some kind of bond with everyone. Except you. And I felt like you weren’t very interested in trying for that, so I figured I’d keep my distance a little bit. That’s a defense mechanism I have; if I think that someone doesn’t have positive feelings towards me, I just start avoiding them.”

“You’re very perceptive about your own thought processes.”

Carmen nodded and frowned. “So, I can see why you would think that I didn’t like you. But that’s very much not the case. I really admire you, Reid. I think you’re a great agent, and a really nice person, and you’re brilliant, obviously, and-” Carmen caught herself.  _ What are you doing? _ She asked herself.  _ What is this word-vomit? _

“Sorry. I get a little bit of wine in me and suddenly I start running my mouth like anything,” she said, looking at the floor sheepishly. When she looked back up, she saw Reid looking at her with an expression that she couldn’t place for the life of her.

“Carmen, I have always thought you’re incredible. The way you work is amazing. I’ve always wanted to know you better. I just… I never knew how to go about it. I never knew how to approach you.”

Carmen felt her heartbeat quicken. He had to sense the electricity between them like she did, right? The tension was palpable. She wasn’t sure when they’d gotten so close and began leaning towards each other, but she could  _ feel _ his body heat radiating.

“Reid...” She licked her lips just a little, and Reid’s gaze shot to her mouth and stayed there. She continued in a husky murmur, “I’m… I’m really glad you called.”

And then they were connected, the kiss a resolution of months and months of confusion and concern and, much more recently, excitement. He couldn’t believe how incredibly soft her lips were, how soft  _ all _ of her was; his hands were on her waist, holding her smaller form close. Her hands had gone to his hair, and then she was pulled into his lap, and used one hand to encourage his further tactile exploration of her body.

“Wait,” Reid breathlessly pulled away. They were both struggling for air, and he had to fight not to look at her heaving chest. “You’ve been drinking, I don’t want to take advantage.”

“I’m not drunk, Reid . I’m giving full, rational consent for what just happened and… whatever is hopefully about to happen.” She looked into his eyes, her hands at her sides now. “But if this isn’t what you want-”

“I want it,” he blurted out, and she couldn’t help but grin. He blushed furiously, but couldn’t help returning her smile. Still, he had to say it. “Carmen. We work together.”

“You know this is nobody’s business but ours, right? I think we can be adults about this. Actually, I’m pretty damn confident about it.”

There was a moment of solid eye contact between them, an unspoken promise. And they both knew that sometimes, those were the most binding.

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

“Spencer Reid, I want you. Badly.”

“Likewise,” Reid said, just before he cupped her face in one of his hands and kissed her hard. She moaned quietly as she kissed him back with just as much fervor, opening her mouth and gently sliding her tongue against his lips. Her hands were back in his hair and his tongue was in her mouth. And she was ecstatic.

He moved his hands from her waist up to her breasts, lightly skimming over them - no bra in this outfit - and then moving back down to her hips, then her ass. He’d certainly taken notice of her figure before; in fact, he’d been all too aware of it earlier that night.

* * *

Carmen felt like there was too much talk about herself, but the team just kept asking questions, and she figured she owed them some information.

“What was college in Florida like for you? Crazy spring breaks in Miami?” Derek asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Hardly,” Carmen scoffed. “I was always studying. I wanted to graduate as quickly as possible. I don’t know where I thought I was going, but that’s what I wanted. And when I wasn’t doing stuff for school, I was working, and spring break was a pretty busy time for me.”

“Ooh! You were a dance instructor, right?” Penelope cut in excitedly.

“That’s right.” Carmen smiled. “I really enjoyed it.” She looked over at Rossi. “Dancing is for me what cooking is for you.”

“What kind of dancing?” Rossi pressed her.

“I taught ballroom, mostly.”

“Salsa?” Emily asked, looking very interested.

“Yeah, are you into that?”

“I’ve taken a few classes.”

“Well, now I think we need a demonstration,” Derek announced.

“No way! I barely know the basics,” Emily protested.

“I’m  _ way _ out of practice. You’d have to get me good and drunk for something like that,” Carmen told him.

“I saw you teach once, Carmen. You were very good,” Rossi said. Reid watched their dynamic closely; they had a real history, and Carmen hadn’t actually divulged much of it. They seemed to have a relationship that was somewhere between old friends and almost father-daughter.

“Thanks, but I don’t think-”

“If dancing is to you what cooking is to me, and I just taught all of you my secrets, don’t you think we could have a brief demonstration?” Rossi continued.

Carmen shook her head, muttering, “Unbelievable,” but she smiled. She turned to her friend. “Emily?”

“Okay,” Emily conceded, “but you’re going to have to lead.”

“I can do that.”

Once again, Reid found himself unable to look anywhere but at Carmen. He found her movements hypnotic, simple as they were. He tried not to stare, but he kept finding himself focused on the way her hips swayed.

She wore a fitted white tank top and straight-leg jeans with a brown belt that matched her brown heeled booties. She was dressed the most casually, but she’d added red lipstick, eyeliner, and mascara to her usually bare face, plus she wore her favorite gold earrings and necklace, so it was clear that this was a special occasion for her.

If someone asked him to describe what he, or any other man, would consider a “sexy outfit”, Reid hardly thought that Carmen’s clothes that night would be what he answered with. And yet, as he watched her giggling and swaying with their friend and colleague, he couldn’t think of a single thing he’d ever seen that was as genuinely sexy, albeit in an understated way.

He joined everyone else in clapping for her when she was done with her “demonstration”. Penelope was already insisting that their next girls’ night consist of  _ all _ of them going salsa dancing, and Derek whistled, making Carmen outright blush. Reid felt something else flare inside him, something else that would have to go unattended for right then. And he pushed all his previous thoughts out of his head.

* * *

They agreed that if they were going to continue, they should move to the bedroom. Their movements were no longer as frantic, but the passion and intensity hadn’t diminished at all. When they reached Carmen’s bed, she let down her hair and rapidly removed her shirt and leggings, leaving her only in a pair of navy blue bikini underwear. and Reid froze momentarily as he laid eyes on her nearly-naked body.

“Can I…?”

“I need you to assume you can do whatever you want right now, and I’ll say if I want you to stop, okay?” Carmen answered quickly. She could be embarrassed by her own desperation later, she figured. She needed this man and she needed him  _ right then _ .

Reid sat on her bed and pulled her into his lap once again, taking his time kissing her lips before moving his mouth down her neck and to her breasts. She tilted her head back, making quiet noises of pleasure and grinding down on him. His hips jerked up in response, and he gripped her ass tightly with one hand to help steady himself. His other hand was kneading her right breast gently while his tongue worked on her left, and all the while he felt himself growing harder and harder underneath her.

When he went to switch his attentions, Carmen removed herself from his lap and tugged on his shirt. “Off,” she said simply. “Pants too, please. Everything, actually, would be best.”

Reid hesitated. “Right. I…”

Carmen leaned forward and kissed him gently. It was different from every other time they’d kissed up to that point. “Please don’t feel nervous about any part of your body. Not with me. I know I can’t undo years of reinforcement, but…”

Bolstered by her words, Reid took his shirt off and undid his belt, earning him a thrilled smile from Carmen that he couldn’t help but reciprocate, even if his was a little shakier. As he stood to remove the rest of his clothing, Carmen got on the bed and wriggled out of her underwear, tossing it to the side. Reid joined her after a moment, kissing her while his hands roamed her completely exposed body.

“For you, would it be okay if I went down on you?” Carmen asked.

“I’ve always appreciated how straightforward you are,” Reid said. “That would be more than okay.”

“I’ve always appreciated your enthusiasm,” Carmen replied, using the tips of her fingers to push Reid onto his back before she crawled further down the bed towards the apex of his legs.

“Spencer, honey, you’re a little tense,” Carmen informed him as she felt up and down his thighs, not yet touching his cock.

“Sorry,” he muttered, taking a deep breath.

“You don’t have to apologize, I just want you to enjoy yourself. There’s no pressure.” With that, she lowered her head and gave the lightest of licks to the head of his cock. He had an immediate response; his hands gripped her sheets and his eyes screwed shut.

“Just breathe. Try to relax,” she reminded him. She left open-mouthed kisses on the inside of his thighs, so close to where he needed to feel her, and then finally,  _ mercifully _ , she put her lips around him and he felt the warm, wet bliss of her mouth.

She worked the head of his cock for a bit, taking more and more of him in while one of her hands wrapped around his shaft and began to stroke in time with her mouth’s movements. Using her other hand to brace herself on the bed, Carmen took him fully in, eliciting a loud groan and slight thrust into her mouth.

“Sorry,” Reid gasped, but Carmen was encouraged by his response, working him harder and faster with both her mouth and hands.

“H-hang on!” He stopped her after a few minutes. Carmen released his cock, her eyes bright and her lips pink and swollen, glistening in a way that made Reid feel weak. “I can’t… I don’t want to finish like this. And besides, I think it’s your turn now.”

Carmen’s face lit up. “How do you want me?”

“Lie back. It’s your turn to enjoy yourself. Especially… God,  _ especially _ after that.”

Carmen basked in the praise, doing as he said and getting comfortable against her pillows. “It’s my turn to be a little anxious,” she admitted, pulling him towards her for a long, intense kiss. “It’s always kind of nerve-wracking when someone goes down on you for the first time.”

“I don’t have a lot of experience,” Reid admitted.

“That’s okay. I’ll tell you what I like and what I don’t like. I’m very vocal.”

Reid groaned softly. “I can’t wait.”

Carmen’s breath hitched as she felt the first touch of Reid’s lips on her thighs, smiling to herself as he placed open-mouth kisses up and down her legs until he moved to her cunt, and the heat of his breath made her gasp.

“You okay?” Reid looked up from between her legs to see Carmen propped up on her forearms, still smiling.

“Yes. Keep going, please.”

Reid did as he was told, pressing his tongue gently against her clit. A squeak escaped her, and she willed her mind to stop racing so she could properly enjoy his movements. He hitched one of her legs over his shoulder so he had better access, and she let her head fall back on the pillows and shut her eyes so she could focus on the sensation.

Carmen had always admired his hands. His fingers were just so  _ long _ , and when he moved to slide one digit inside of her, it was almost too easy thanks to how wet she was - a mix of her own lubrication and his saliva.

“Oh my  _ god _ ,” she moaned. “C-curl your finger a little.  _ Fuck _ , yes, like that.”

The sound of her swearing excited him immensely, and he followed her instructions, still keeping his lips and tongue on her clit while he also put another finger inside her, curling that one as well while pumping in and out slowly.

Her hips were moving of their own volition, so Reid used his free hand to hold her down and apply more pressure with his mouth.

“Yes, god, yes, you’re doing everything right, fuck, keep going…” Carmen’s voice was breathy and low, and she could feel herself getting warmer and wound up.

“Spencer, I’m gonna come,” she whined.

“Perfect.”

“ _ Oh god _ …” Carmen felt something within her snap, and while one of her hands gripped her sheets, the other reached for Reid’s. He interlaced his fingers with hers and let her hold onto him while she came, licking up and down her cunt gently as she did.

When he pulled away, there was a thin sheen of sweat across Carmen’s forehead, and she was panting slightly. She pushed herself up quickly and grabbed his shoulders, pulling him down into another kiss, this one more teeth and tongue than before.

“Will you fuck me?” she asked breathlessly when they parted.

After a half-second of being momentarily stunned, Reid responded, “Y-yeah.” Then he looked away, his brow furrowed. “Wait, no, I-I can’t. I don’t have any… protection.”

Carmen sighed in relief - for a second she’d been concerned there was a bigger issue. “I have some.” She fumbled to open the second drawer on her nightstand, producing a small black box and grabbing a few condoms, tossing them on the nightstand.

“Oh, thank god.” Reid kissed her again, the gentle peck turning into a more languid movement of lips and tongue. He positioned himself on top of her, took one of the condoms and removed it from its packaging, and rolled it on.

Carmen cried out softly as he entered her, his mouth having moved down to her neck to kiss and suck there. He bit down on her shoulder when he felt how hot and tight she was around him, and he had to move slowly so she could adjust to his size.

“Are you okay?” he whispered into her ear.

“Fuck, yes. Keep going.”

Her legs came up to wrap around his waist, encouraging him to go deeper. She whimpered when he bottomed out, her nails dragging down his back.

“Please, please, Spencer, please,” she begged, moving her hips against his. He kissed her firmly as he started to fuck her more intensely, almost pulling all the way out and then pushing deeply back in. Her gasps and cries were the sweetest sounds he’d ever heard.

As he started to speed up his thrusts, he moved one hand down between Carmen’s legs and lightly rubbed the pads of his fingers on her clit. The gentle stimulation made her feel absolutely weightless, and when he suddenly applied more pressure, her second orgasm took her completely by surprise.

“Oh  _ fuck _ , Spencer, oh my  _ god _ .” She gripped his arms tightly as she came, and he could feel her walls tightening around his cock at the same time.

“Carmen, I can’t, I’m gonna-”

“Yes, fuck, please…” She was still moving her hips up to meet his, and she pulled him into a deep kiss just as he felt himself release inside her.

They were both breathing heavily when it was over, still connected with neither wanting to separate. But Carmen eventually got up to use the bathroom.

“I don’t need you to rattle off statistics on UTIs or whatever, I’m well aware of those,” she told him as she came back, poking him in the ribs.

“I doubt you know the exact figures - you’re the one who said you’re not good with numbers,” Reid teased her right back.

Carmen rolled her eyes and got into the bed. She was suddenly very cold without her clothes or his warmth. “Yeah, but those aren’t necessary to know that not using the bathroom after sex can and will lead to a very bad time.”

It suddenly got very quiet. Reid had not yet gotten into her bed - he wasn’t sure if he was allowed.

Wordlessly, Carmen patted the spot next to her. “You know you can stay here tonight, right? No pressure either way - if you’d be more comfortable going home that’s fine.” She was snuggled against her pillows, tucked into the blankets, and with her hair still mussed and cheeks flushed… well, how was he supposed to just walk away.

“I’d really like to stay, if that’s okay with you,” he said, joining her in the bed. She beamed up at him.

“More than okay.” She found a good spot to tuck her head in on his chest and kissed the skin there. “Goodnight, Spence. Thank you for the orgasms.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “Likewise."

* * *

And so, it became a habit; the kind where they told themselves they could quit at any time, whenever they wanted to. They just didn’t want to.

Sometimes they called each other before meeting up. Sometimes they texted, if it was late. Sometimes Carmen reached out, sometimes it was Reid. The silent agreement was that whoever made the first move would then make the trip to the other person’s place. If they didn’t have to be at work the next day, they might spend the night, but the foreigner would be gone before noon.

They never discussed what they were doing - what the implications were, if it might grow into something else - but there was plenty of conversation.

Between rounds in bed, or after a shower (maybe separate, maybe together), or while drinking coffee at the kitchen table in the morning, they talked plenty. Occasionally they brought up work, but not too often.

In the short term, it was what they needed. It was fun. It was a fulfilling connection. And the sex was fantastic.

A few weeks later, things changed.

* * *

Carmen wondered if this was how Reid felt when he called her that night after they all gathered at Rossi’s. Those hands of his that she loved so much - did they tremble when he picked up his phone, the way hers did?

She had him on speed dial now. He answered after the second ring.

“Hi.”

She loved how he always sounded happy to hear from her. She hoped that she sounded the same way to him when he called.

“Hi. Are you busy tonight?”

They always made sure to ask if the other person had plans. Sometimes the answer was yes, but more than once, they’d canceled said plans to see each other. Neither admitted it when it happened.

“Not at all. Would you like to come over?”

They always followed up with that question; it was like a little two-step dance.

“Uh… well, yes.” Carmen winced. Things were going to get weird. “I mean, I was hoping I could come over, but I don’t think I can… I can’t have sex tonight.”

“That’s fine.” Reid answered without any hesitation. Carmen felt herself relax. Then, she felt bad. This was  _ Reid _ . Did she really think he was going to turn her away because she wasn’t going to put out for one night?

_ But this isn’t what you do, the two of you _ , a nagging voice in her head was quick to remind her.  _ All those times you’ve been together outside of work, sex has been involved _ .

Well. Maybe it was time for that to change, anyway.

“Are you okay?” Reid asked, derailing Carmen’s train of thought. “You’re not, um, hurting, are you?”

They’d had sex while she was on her period before, and it wasn’t a big deal. It just required a little extra preparation and clean up. Thanks to his eidetic memory, Reid knew that she was likely struggling with PMS at that very moment.

“Oh, no, nothing like that. Physically, I’m fine. I just - well, I’ll explain once I’m there. Headed over now.”

“I’ll be here. Drive safely.”

Carmen couldn’t help but smile just a little. According to Reid, she drove “like a demon”, so he always implored her to “drive safely” or “drive carefully”.

“Unlikely. See you in a few.”

Once she arrived at Reid’s apartment, they were so obviously tip-toeing around each other that Carmen wondered if she should’ve just waited to tell him that sex wasn’t on the table that night.

Usually, they made their way to Reid’s bedroom within the first fifteen minutes of Carmen’s arrival. Now, they settled on the couch, very purposefully not touching.

“Okay, I guess I owe you a bit of an explanation,” Carmen said, settling down her mug of tea. Reid had made her favorite - lavender with lots of honey.

“You don’t owe me anything,” he assured her. “But I’m here for you.”

The way he was looking at her… it was pure affection, and she had to avert her gaze.

“So, I was looking for my black cardigan. The one with the gold trim. And I realized the last time I wore it was when we were all at Rossi’s; when we all made pasta together. I took it off about halfway through the night and must have left it there. Probably tossed it in the hall closet and forgot. Anyway, earlier today, I called Rossi to see if I could come by and get it. And when I got there, I just, I  _ knew _ something was off. I could feel it.”

Carmen finally looked back up and met Reid’s eyes. “Caroline, his wife… I mean, his ex-wife, but still, she… well, she died. And I just… I just feel so bad. It’s not even my grief, but poor Rossi, and you know how he is, he doesn’t want me there fussing over him, but how do I-”

Carmen inhaled sharply and stopped talking as she felt the warmth of Reid’s hand come over her knee.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No, it’s okay.” She took a deep breath. “I think I needed a pause.”

They sat quietly for a moment. With a pensive look on his face, Reid broke their silence. “Rossi, he’s like a father figure to you, right?”

“Is that bad now that we work together?” Carmen’s voice had dropped to nearly a whisper.

“I don’t think so,” Reid said, squeezing her knee. “But it explains why you feel so strongly about his loss.”

“Well… he told me a little bit about how she died. I won’t repeat it, but it reminded me a bit of how my grandmother died, and  _ god _ , I haven’t thought about that in a while. So, there’s that too, I guess.”

Carmen’s eyes were burning from fighting back tears, but a few had slipped out while she was talking. She wouldn’t look at Reid while it happened, but she kept going.

“Wow. I didn’t even really make that connection until just now.” A sad laugh escaped her. “I guess I just needed to say it. Out loud.” She forced herself to face the man beside her. “Thank you for this.”

“I meant it when I said I’m here for you. Whatever you need from me.”

Carmen tilted her head up and kissed Reid with all the tenderness she could possibly muster. “Thank you,” she murmured against his lips.

_ Don’t ruin this. Don’t think about what it means. _

They stayed like that for a while, wrapped up in each other on the couch. Carmen was the first to pull away.

“It’s getting late. I should probably go soon,” she said.

“Hey, if-if you want… you can stay here tonight. We don’t have to go in tomorrow.” Reid shrugged, trying to make his suggestion look as casual as possible. “It is kind of late, and I know how exhausting it can be; purging emotionally.”

Carmen  _ was _ exhausted. Too exhausted to fight the idea of sleeping next to his comforting warmth and calm, even breathing.

“Okay,” was all she said. She followed him to his bedroom, closing the door behind her. She began taking off her top, then she caught Reid staring.

“What, did you think I was going to sleep in my clothes?” she asked.

“I guess I didn’t think about that. Um, I can lend you some clothes, like a t-shirt if you want, to sleep in.”

“To be perfectly honest, even when I’m not with you, I usually sleep naked. But I can put something on, if you-”

“It’s whatever is most comfortable for you,” Reid quickly assured her.

“Okay, then.” Carmen continued removing the rest of her clothes, setting them down next to the side of the bed she always ended up on. She got under the blankets and settled in, looking away from where Reid was undressing to give him some privacy. When he got in next to her, he was naked except for his underwear. They seemed to automatically find each others’ bodies under the covers, gravitating towards the shared warmth they both craved.

Reid never thought of Carmen as ‘small’. She was about the average height for an adult woman in America, and was slim with noticeable muscles in a few places. She had a commanding presence when it was required of her, and even when he’d seen her playing the part of a more reserved, demure woman - as she sometimes did when undercover or questioning suspects - she didn’t seem ‘small’. But that night, as she curled up against him and tucked her head into his chest, he felt for the first time in all the months that he’d known her that maybe, when she let her guard down… she was a little on the small side. And there was absolutely nothing wrong with that.

They both fell asleep almost immediately.

* * *

Reid woke up the next morning to the blankets rustling next to him. He opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to the light spilling into his room.

He saw Carmen on her feet next to the bed, dressing with a haste he didn’t understand. When she’d finished, she noticed him watching her, and gave him a wavering smile.

“Hi. I’m so sorry, I forgot, I have to be somewhere.” She leaned over the bed and kissed him. “Thank you so much for last night. I’m not sure where I would’ve ended up without you. Well, I mean, I probably would’ve just been crying alone in my shower, but, you know.”

“Are you okay?” Reid asked.

“Yeah, I feel much better.”

“No, I mean…” What  _ did _ he mean? Carmen tilted her head, waiting for him to elaborate. “Never mind. I’m glad you’re better.” Reid returned her smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Carmen didn’t seem to notice. She squeezed his hand and left the room - he waited to hear the sound of the front door closing before he got out of bed.

He knew she was acting strangely. She’d never just left like that before. He could chalk it up to the emotional stress of the night before, but he had a gut feeling that wasn’t it.

He tried not to spend too much time thinking about it, and got on with his day.

Then, at 11:36pm that night, his phone rang. It was Carmen.

“Spencer? Hey I’m so sorry I know it’s late and we have to go in tomorrow but can I come over?” she asked, getting it all out in one breath. He could hear that she was in the car - was she already on her way there?

“Y-yeah, sure, is everything okay?”

“I’m fine. I’ll explain when I get there. Thanks.”

She hung up before he had a chance to tell her to drive safely, which he thought was probably quite needed, especially with the rain coming down outside.

She arrived in less than 10 minutes, which indicated that yes, she’d already been on her way when she called. She knocked on his door with more force than usual, and when he answered it, the only thing she said to him was, “I need you. Right now.”

Carmen slammed the door shut behind her and yanked off her knee-length raincoat, revealing only a matching bra and underwear set underneath - black with tiny white bows. Before Reid could fully process what was happening (his brain still short-circuited a little every time he saw Carmen without clothes), she was kissing him, and his hands automatically went to her waist, his fingers digging in just enough to make her moan into his mouth.

Then he pulled away, a little breathless. “Hang on. What’s… what’s going on?”

“I want to have sex with you? The same thing we’ve been doing for weeks?” Carmen took the opportunity to pull off her boots and place them by the front door. “I want you very, very badly and I think we should fuck immediately, if that’s alright by you.”

He studied her for a moment. “Why are you acting like this? This isn’t… how you normally are.”

She groaned. “Look, last night was the abnormal bit, okay? That’s not… what we do. We have sex. We’re really good at that. And then we go our separate ways until we go to work, and then we work well together, and with our team, and everything is good. And then we don’t fuck that up, yeah? So let’s just get back to doing what we do best. Just… just fucking.”

Neither of them had ever given any indication of emotion behind the sex. But it hurt Reid to hear it. And it hurt Carmen to say it. But she figured it needed to be said.

“Or… maybe we shouldn’t,” Reid murmured, looking down at the floor.

“...Oh.” She was so quiet that he almost didn’t hear her.

“It’s not that I don’t want to. But I don’t think we should if it’s… like this.”

Carmen nodded slowly. “Yeah. Maybe we should just… cool off for a bit. And maybe revisit this another time? Or, maybe not.”

Reid grabbed her raincoat and helped her into it. “I think we can definitely do that. I’m… I’m sorry, Carmen.”

She smiled sadly up at him. “You have nothing to apologize for.” Once she put on her boots, she got up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek softly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He wanted to hug her. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted it to be the previous night, when he was warm and comfortable holding her in his bed. But he let her walk out without another word and locked the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading part one of three. Find me on tumblr @ secretgirlgangs for gifs, pics, and songs that inspired this story. Update coming soon. Drop your thoughts in the comments and please leave the kudos that keep me going.


	2. Sentimental Evidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team races against the clock to save one of their own. Carmen and Reid have a lot of talking to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe how long it took me to get this chapter up. That COVID-19 quarantine-depression caused a serious writer's block for a few weeks, and then this chapter was just a lot more "slow and steady" than the previous one. I will probably continue to make edits as the days go by, but I wanted to get this up now that it's finished.

“Hey, man. It’s late. Hotch told us all to go back to the hotel and get some rest.”

Reid looked up from the files he’d been staring at for the better part of an hour when he heard Morgan’s voice. He blinked rapidly to adjust to the light - how long had he been there, poring over those papers?

“Yeah, I just… I think I’m really close to a breakthrough here.”

“Listen.” Morgan sighed and pulled up a chair next to him. “I know we’ve been here a long time. And it’s getting really frustrating. But you’ll be better off if you start fresh tomorrow.”

“I’m not sure I could sleep if I tried right now,” Reid admitted. “I just need maybe another half hour. Then I’ll go to the hotel. I promise.” He gave Morgan a weak smile. 

Morgan studied him for a moment, and seemed to accept that. “Okay. If you’re sure. I mean, we all want to catch this guy and get home, and get Maison back.”

“Yeah, of course,” Reid said, trying to make it sound as though that wasn’t his primary motivation for what he was doing.

Local law enforcement suspected that their unsub was connected to a network of male pedophiles, but this one had gone off the rails and started murdering his victims. Carmen had been undercover for over a week, trying to get close with one of the suspected pedophiles and figure out where these men were gathering or how they were communicating. No one heard from her when she was undercover except for a brief conversation she’d have each morning with Hotch, and Garcia was always listening in case Carmen needed to use the comms.

Even though he was no longer seeing Carmen - or sleeping with her, whatever - Reid worried for her. They were friends, after all. And they’d been working just fine together; no one else on the team seemed to know anything had ever transpired between them.

But now she was out on her own, and everything they had on the men she’d be around indicated that they were dangerous, and they wouldn’t hesitate to get rid of any collateral. He had faith in Carmen and in her skills as an agent, but he knew what was out there. And if he could do something to prevent her from getting into a potentially dangerous situation in the first place, he would.

* * *

Carmen had a good feeling about Jackson Trout, which of course meant that she had a very, very bad feeling about him. She’d been awake for far too many hours that day - she could feel her eyes starting to droop - and she’d been with him the entire time.

_Come on, man. Aren’t you getting a little bit sick of me by now? Jeez._

She was in his apartment sipping on a beer (something he’d been incredibly insistent that she drink) when she finally got her chance to go through his phone. She’d figured out his passcode two days prior, and had just needed to wait for the opportune moment to use it. He went to the bathroom, leaving his phone on the couch where he’d been sitting. When Carmen heard the bathroom door lock behind him, she lunged for the device, knowing she only had maybe 60 seconds.

She got into the phone with no problem and knew exactly what she was looking for. Jackson wasn’t discreet, which was what she’d been counting on. She took screenshots of the group chat he was in with seven other men as she heard the toilet flush. She felt her stomach churn thinking of the amount of pedophiles in such a small town, and the poor people who didn’t even know.

The sink was running. Carmen scrambled to send the screenshots to herself, then deleted the message and her number from Jackson’s phone. She’d have to review those screenshots later and send them to the team, because just as she placed Jackson’s phone back where it was supposed to be and righted herself, he came out of the bathroom.

“I should probably go,” she said, standing up and moving towards the door. “It’s really late. I’m so tired.” She faked a sweet smile, and Jackson came over to take her hands in his. She wanted to punch him.

“Aw, honey. I wanted to take you on one more ride tonight. What do you say?”

She giggled. “Jackson, it’s past midnight! Where would we even go?”

He shrugged and grabbed his jacket. “We’ll figure it out on the way. Hey, you’re the one who told me you think my bike is sexy - I’m gonna use it as much as I can now.”

Carmen giggled again to keep from dry-heaving. “Okay, but after this I really do have to go home!” She followed him out the door and got onto his motorcycle behind him, accepting the offered helmet.

There were hardly any other motorists on the road. There were even less when Jackson started taking back roads. Carmen wasn’t too alarmed; he’d told her how much he enjoyed taking those roads and having them to himself, and she’d been there with him during the day. But it was night, and it felt more sinister.

They came to a red light. Jackson pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket and checked his notifications. While Carmen was looking around, trying to get a handle on her surroundings, she heard Jackson pipe up in front of her:

“Were you in my fucking phone?”

Before she could say or do anything, the light turned green, and Jackson sped off.

 _Shit_ , she thought, beginning to panic slightly. _I forgot to delete the screenshots._

She tried to shout over the roar of the wind and the motorcycle. “Jackson, pull over-”

“Shut up!” he screamed at her.

Carmen came to the conclusion later that Jackson figured a couple of things to be true:

One: She had taken those screenshots, and any reason she had for doing that was bad news for him.

Two: There was no one else on the road at the time, and they were surrounded on either side by dark woods, making it easy for him to run.

Three: He was wearing more protective gear than she was, so if they crashed, he had a better chance of getting out unscathed (or with minor injuries) than she did.

And he was right about all of these things.

The bike veered to the left, throwing Carmen and Jackson onto the street. Though she skidded along the pavement, Carmen rolled a bit into the grass and ultimately landed on her back, shocked and in pain.

She tried to assess the damage quickly. Her face and arms burned. Likely road rash. Her shoulder hurt. She may have torn it. Her lower half seemed okay; she took a deep breath and steeled herself. It could have been much worse.

She pulled herself to her feet just in time to see Jackson running off into the woods with a limp. His helmet was cracked, so he threw it off right in her direction, not even getting close to hitting her. She grit her teeth and took off after him, also throwing off her helmet in order to see better. As she stumbled through the trees, she fumbled in her clothes to find her comms. It took her far too long to produce them, but she finally got enough of a grip to speak while still moving.

“Garcia, Hotch, _anyone_ ; I’m going after Jackson Trout on foot, he crashed his bike with us both on it - _fuck_ I lost my phone, there’s evidence on there - we’re both injured and I don’t know exactly-”

Carmen yelped as she felt the ground slide out from under her feet, and she went tumbling into the shallow ravine below, landing directly on top of her comms and smashing the device to bits.

She pulled her face out of the shallow water, coughing, as she was forced to do another damage assessment. Her ankle was twisted, maybe sprained. Hopefully not broken. Her vision was blurry, and she could feel something warm and wet running down her face - probably blood. She’d hit her head on the rocks when she’d fallen.

And then she was kicked in the ribs - hard.

“You’re a fucking cop, aren’t you?” Jackson screamed as he tried to land another kick to her ribs, but Carmen shifted in time to dodge it, and Jackson ended up slipping on the wet rocks. He landed on his back, and Carmen heard a weak groan come from him. She didn’t know what her best move was - she didn’t have her gun, she didn’t have her phone, she didn’t have her comms… should she engage him? Try to get him to admit to something ?

He didn’t give her much of a chance to think before he was up again, this time straddling her legs and trying to choke her. With her good arm, Carmen managed to scratch across his face and get him to release her. She shoved him off of her with all her might, and heard a loud splash when he hit the water… and an even louder crack.

There was no sound except for her panting and the water moving slowly through the ravine. After a moment, she called out. “Trout? Trout!”

He was unresponsive. Carmen had a feeling, deep in her gut, that he was dead. She didn’t mourn his death, but she was concerned for the confession and evidence that may have been lost along with him.

 _Better him than me_.

But she knew that if someone didn’t find her soon, it was also going to be her. She didn’t know if she was going to last the night in that chilly water with her injuries. She couldn’t stand. She could only just muster the strength to sit up so that she wasn’t submerged in the shallow water. She ached everywhere. And she was _exhausted_.

Still, she was very well aware that the worst thing she could do was fall asleep, especially if she had a concussion. But she was also worried about the possibility of hypothermia. She couldn’t begin to guess the temperature of the water, but she pulled her limbs in as close as she could without hurting herself further and tried not to think about how long it generally took someone to die in her situation.

 _I’m not going to die_ , she told herself. _This is too shitty a way to die. I’m not going to die._

But she hadn’t exactly figured out how to avoid dying, either.

* * *

No one expected to be woken up at one in the morning by a frantic call from Garcia, but less than twenty minutes later, the whole team was gathered in the command center of local law enforcement, ready to try and track down their missing member.

“Garcia, what was the last thing we heard from her?” Hotch asked, his eyes slightly red from lack of sleep.

“Um, okay, she was kind of panicky-sounding when she called but she said that Jackson Trout crashed the motorcycle they were on and now they’re both hurt and then she was chasing him on foot? And then everything went dark.”

“She stopped responding?” JJ asked.

“No, like, the comms are gone, off the map, I can’t trace them,” Garcia said, her voice increasing in pitch.

“Baby girl, stay calm,” Morgan cut in. “We’re heading out. Where was the last known location?”

“I’m sending it to your phones now. I lost connection right as she headed into those woods, I have no idea where she could be now.”

“We’re going to find her,” Hotch said firmly. “Morgan, take Prentiss and Rossi. JJ and Reid, you’re with me.”

Reid was the only one who had already been awake when they got the call. He left after his extra half-hour of work as he promised Morgan, but he’d been unable to fall asleep. He couldn’t get his mind off of Carmen - it was worse for him than usual. He missed her; not just the sex they had, but more than anything, it was her company. Just getting to be around her when she stayed the night or they talked in bed. He couldn’t even take a shower anymore without thinking about how she felt pressed up against him when they’d taken them together and the way her lips had tasted under the steady stream of water.

He felt an odd sense of guilt for having those thoughts about her while she was out alone with a dangerous criminal. But now he could make up for it. At least, he could try.

* * *

Carmen had no way of knowing how long she’d been in the cold, dark water. She was in so much pain and she was chilled to the bone. She kept herself awake by thinking of the details of the case they were working, and everything she could remember about Jackson Trout, whose lifeless body was mere feet away from her. When she’d run through that at least four times, she started thinking of her team - they had to know she was missing by now, right? They surely would have gotten her SOS call before the comms were destroyed. She felt so stupid for running off into the woods in the middle of the night, injured, chasing a dangerous pedophile.

She told herself she just needed to hang on until sunrise. In daylight, it would be easier to summon her strength and try to find a way out of the ravine. As it was, she couldn’t stand, and her concussion made it impossible to get her bearings or even see straight. She kept her eyes closed to avoid more of a headache, but was constantly fighting the urge to sleep. If she gave in, she wasn’t sure she’d wake up.

Eventually, she found herself thinking of Reid. She hated the way they’d left things. And _she_ was the one responsible for fucking it all up; he might have never again brought up her night of emotional fragility if she hadn’t come over mere hours later and proceeded to make an ass of herself. They had a great thing going and she’d ruined it. She vowed that making things right between them would be at the top of her priority list once she was out of her current predicament and they had taken down every disgusting pedophile Jackson Trout was in contact with.

Then things were quiet for a very long time.

* * *

Garcia had been able to give them the location of Carmen’s last communication, and they found Trout’s wrecked motorcycle at the scene. Near the bike were two helmets and Carmen’s lost cell phone, which was immediately collected. Then Hotch, Prentiss, JJ, Morgan, and Reid went off into the dark woods to try and find their missing teammate while Rossi stayed with the vehicles and waited for local P.D. and any medics that might be called.

They split up, trying to cover the tracks left by Carmen and Trout. It would have been easier to try and wait for daylight to get better visibility and perhaps be able to track the footprints. But they all knew that those hours were a luxury that Carmen couldn’t afford. Hotch had assured them all back at the station - _“Maison knows the protocols. Something’s not right. If she’d apprehended Trout or gotten out of there, we’d have heard from her by now. As long as there’s radio silence, we have to assume she’s in danger.”_

Reid didn’t care in the slightest if he was the one who found her. It didn’t matter as long as she was found. In fact, maybe it was better if he wasn’t the one who found her. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep himself in check.

`` Ultimately, it was Morgan who found her. He found the ledge where she’d fallen, and shone his flashlight down into the ravine while carefully walking along the edge. His light caught Trout’s body first, and before he could even radio the rest of the team and let them know he’d found something, he saw Carmen.

“Hotch, I got eyes on her. She’s down in the ravine. There’s a body next to her, I think it’s Trout.”

“What’s her condition?” Hotch asked.

“...I don’t see movement. I’m going down there,” Morgan said, starting to work his way down towards the water.

“Be careful,” Hotch warned him. “We’ll meet you there.”

While everyone tried to make their way over to where Morgan had located their missing teammate, he was struggling to reach Carmen without slipping and injuring himself in the dark. When he finally got to her, he called her name and shone the flashlight on her.

She opened her eyes at the sound of his voice. She couldn’t quite focus her gaze on him, but she knew he was there. “Morgan. Thank god,” she murmured.

Morgan crouched down and gave Carmen a brief visual inspection. “Hey, girl. You had us real worried.” He spoke in the gentlest of tones.

“Sorry about that.” Carmen smiled weakly. “Now can you help me get the fuck out of here?”

“You got it. Where are you hurt?”

“I hit my head… I think if I can just get upright, I can stand, but my ankle is definitely twisted. My ribs hurt; Trout kicked me. Careful of my shoulder there…”

Gently, Morgan helped her get up out of the water, her body shaking and her teeth chattering all the while. She leaned into him, grateful for the warmth he provided.

At that time, the rest of the team, along with medics, were gathering at the scene. They prepared to put Carmen in an ambulance, and Jackson Trout was pronounced dead and put in a body bag.

Once Carmen was on the stretcher in the back of the ambulance, covered in blankets with an IV in her arm, she felt ready to pass out.

“I have a concussion, so I don’t think I should be sleeping,” she informed the attending EMT. And the last thing she remembered before passing out was Hotch promising that they would meet her in the hospital as soon as they could.

* * *

Reid knew they lost a source of information, maybe even a confession, with Trout dead. But when he saw the damage done to Carmen - damage that Trout was solely responsible for - he couldn’t be truly sorry for the despicable man’s death. Besides, that was one more pedophile gone from society. Maybe that wasn’t the right way for a federal agent to feel. But Reid didn’t have any time to ruminate on that.

They still had a job to do. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to let what Carmen went through be for nothing.

* * *

Carmen woke up in a hospital room that was comfortably quiet and a little too bright. She ached _everywhere_ , but she was finally warm.

“Hi there, Sleeping Beauty.” Carmen jumped as she heard a voice next to her, turning her head to see JJ smiling at her side.

“Oh my god. How long have I been asleep? The last thing I remember is the ambulance…”

“You’ve been in and out for two days; this is the first time you’ve spoken. Coherently, anyway. We’ve been doing shifts here ever since we busted the pedohpile ring.” JJ’s face hardened as it always did when she had to think about anyone who would hurt a child.

“Wait, you got them? Holy shit, that’s a relief. I thought I totally ruined things.”

“No way. Garcia pulled the texts and screenshots from your phone. We got all the guys involved - eight in total. There were two girls when we got there… injured and sick, but alive.” JJ reached out and gently put her hand on Carmen’s wrist. “I don’t know if that would be true for them had you not been able to get what you did from Trout.”

“Then it’s all worth it,” Carmen sighed contentedly, relaxing into her pillows.

“I’m going to get some more coffee and let everyone know you’re okay. The last time I talked to Garcia it sounded like she was ready to catch the next flight out here.” JJ looked at her watch. “Oh, and Reid should be here any minute, actually.”

Carmen groaned internally. _Of course_. “Shift switch?”

“Yep. He’s been here the most of anyone.”

Carmen kept her face neutral at that, but the tight feeling that formed in her chest was undeniable.

JJ took her leave, and Carmen was alone. She closed her eyes and tried to relax against the pillows. She’d vowed to make things with Reid, but… surely she didn’t have to do it then and there, in a hospital bed?

After a few minutes, Carmen heard someone else enter. She said a silent prayer before opening her eyes and letting her gaze land on Reid, who looked startled to see her eyes on him.

“...Hi,” she said, unable to think of anything else.

“Hi.” He stayed a few feet away from her, as though she were a feral animal and he was afraid of startling her. Sensing this, she gestured to the chair that JJ had recently vacated.

“You can sit. JJ said she went to get coffee and let the others know I’m awake.”

“Yeah, I… I ran into her in the hallway.” He sat down, but kept looking at the floor, and Carmen frowned.

“Reid, what’s going on? Did something happen with the case? Is everyone okay?”

“What?” Reid’s head shot up, and he saw the concern on Carmen’s face. “No, everything’s fine. I’m just… I’m really glad you’re alright.”

Carmen licked her lips, suddenly aware of how dry her mouth felt. She and Reid had been acting completely normal around each other when they were at work ever since they’d called off their arrangement - something she was extremely proud of. It was hard to keep secrets from a team of profilers, but they’d been successful. They never saw each other outside of work, they were rarely alone together, and they never, ever brought up what had transpired between them.

But now there was no buffer, no protection. It was just them and the muted sounds of a hospital in the early evening.

“You know…” Carmen began, shifting uncomfortably, “when I was down in that creek-”

“I think it was a ravine,” Reid muttered, wincing immediately after he did so. He figured the last thing she needed at that moment was to be corrected on a geographical technicality.

“It was shallow, it wasn’t that bad,” she huffed. “ _Any_ way…” Carmen couldn’t help the tiny smile that threatened to creep across her lips, tugging at the corners. Reid’s impulsive need to spit out facts like a human encyclopedia - one of his many quirks - had never annoyed her the way it seemed to do others. If anything, she found it comforting that she could always depend on it from him, and she usually found herself fighting a smile when he did.

“I was thinking a lot about… things. Really, just, anything to keep myself going. And I realized that…” Carmen glanced over Reid’s shoulder, making sure no one would come in right as she made her confession, “I messed up. With you; with us. I’m really sorry for that last night I came over, it was a bad move. I was panicking, I was unsure of myself, and it didn’t feel good. So I ended up ruining something that _was_ good.”

She bit her lip, not wanting to say any more. She wanted Reid to say his piece, but even more than that, she wanted to stop herself before she said too much.

After a moment of contemplative silence, he finally cleared his throat, looking down as he spoke. “It wasn’t your fault, Carmen. I should’ve talked to you more that night, I shouldn’t have just had you leave like that. You were hurting, and I… I didn’t know what to do.” Reid picked his head up and met her eyes - she was unable to look away from him. “I guess I’ve never really known what to do around you. But you… you didn’t ruin anything.”

Carmen’s hand shot out from her side and gripped one of Reid’s. “You don’t have to do anything around me besides be you.”

Reid smiled softly. “I can do that. I don’t know how to be anyone else.”

Carmen smiled back, and Reid felt like he was seeing the sun for the first time in days. Then, she realized what she’d done, and quickly released his hand.

“Sorry, I know you’re not big on, um, hand touches.”

Reid couldn’t help but chuckle. “You’ve touched a lot more than my hand before this.”

Carmen felt herself flush. “Yeah, well, you’re just as guilty,” she muttered. “One of the first things you ever told me was how many germs are transmitted in a handshake. You said that it’s more hygienic to… kiss.” Carmen’s sentence fell off as her eyes involuntarily dropped to Reid’s lips.

“It is.” Reid’s voice was barely above a whisper as he couldn’t stop himself from staring at Carmen’s mouth. Her lips were dry, a little busted in one corner, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about that at all.

Carmen had to strain a bit to close the distance between them, but as soon as he felt her lips on his, Reid moved closer to her and gently placed his hand on the side of her face that hadn’t been scratched up. Still, she gasped when he applied a little pressure, and he immediately backed off.

“I’m so sorry, did I hurt you?” he asked, scanning her for signs of distress.

“No, Spencer, it’s fine,” Carmen assured him, trying to catch her breath. “I guess I just have some bruises, like, everywhere. And I imagine my face is kind of scraped up.” She leaned back in her bed, her thoughts percolating through a minor haze. “You said that I didn’t ruin anything. Does… does that mean…” She figured maybe it was the morphine making her a little braver. “We could, maybe, try again? I was really enjoying myself… I really had fun with you.”

“You want to try again?” Reid asked, somewhat unable to believe what he was hearing.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. What do you think?” Carmen worried her bottom lip with her teeth, tasting a bit of blood, which made her stop. Asking someone to have sex with you on a semi-regular basis while attached to an IV in a hospital bed is enough of a look - she didn’t need to add “bloody mouth” to that picture.

“I think I’d like that. But only after you’re healed.” Reid smiled as Carmen rolled her eyes. She opened her mouth to respond, but at that moment, JJ re-entered the room with two cups of coffee, causing Reid to back away from her as casually as he could manage.

“I let everyone know you’re awake and doing really well, all things considered,” JJ said, handing Reid one of the cups of coffee. “You should probably still get some rest, though.”

“I’ll have plenty of time to rest when Hotch makes me stay home for the next month,” Carmen sighed. “And then I’ll be on desk duty for the month after that…”

JJ gave her an incredulous look. “Do you remember what happened to you? You got thrown from a motorcycle, fell into a creek-”

“Ravine,” Reid offered.

“...Ravine. You had hypothermia, a concussion, a sprained ankle, twisted shoulder, you’re lucky your ribs weren’t cracked-”

“UGH. Fine,” Carmen waved JJ off. Then, she realized something. “By the way, _Reid_ , if you eat all my Jell-O like you did last time I landed in the hospital, I’m gonna be _so_ pissed.”

* * *

Hotch ended up ordering Carmen to take three weeks off from work to rest and recuperate in her apartment. And she absolutely hated it; she was bored out of her mind. But she would be lying if she said she wasn’t incredibly touched by the team’s kind gestures.

The first night she was home, Rossi came over to cook dinner and drink wine with her while they watched old movies. He made enough food to keep her stocked with leftovers for a few days, and tucked away a few extra bottles of wine. Carmen fell asleep on the couch, but Rossi made sure to usher her into bed before he left so she wouldn’t wake up in pain.

JJ, Emily, and Penelope came over a few times as a group, and the women usually ended up going to lunch or a movie. Penelope came armed with gifts - baked goods, knitted crutch covers in Carmen’s favorite color, and a plush robe that was easy to tie with one hand. Emily brought her groceries on more than one occasion, and JJ caved to Carmen’s request to babysit Henry for a night just so she had something to do.

When Morgan came to visit her, he was shocked by the strength of the hug that Carmen gave him. She thanked him for being the one to find her, and he told her it was just chance; it could have been any one of them. They all cared about her and would do anything to make sure she was safe. Carmen didn’t pursue the topic so as not to make him uncomfortable, but she knew deep down that she owed him.

She’d actually been quite surprised that Hotch came over - she expected a few calls to check in, maybe. But he told her he wanted to see for himself that she was well, and besides, Jack had made her a get-well card when he heard that one of his dad’s teammates had been hurt at work. All Carmen managed to say was “Tell him I said thank you”, as she’d gotten so choked up.

As for Reid, they had been texting and spoken on the phone a few times when cases were wrapped up. Carmen assured him she didn’t need details, she just wanted to hear that everyone was okay, but Reid would summarize the events of the case as best he could and was sure to tell her the good parts, if there were any. They both knew those moments, even if sometimes they were few and far between, were what made the job bearable.

Reid had yet to come over and see her in person, and Carmen figured that was just as well. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for that face-to-face after what they said in the hospital. The phone conversations at least had that buffer, even though she had to admit to herself that she loved Reid’s voice. They were both well aware it couldn’t be avoided forever, though. Nothing could.

Two weeks after she began her recovery, Carmen was beginning to go truly stir-crazy. She was feeling better - she’d been ready to return to work, but Hotch was firm that she take all the time she’d been given. She was counting down the hours until she could leave her apartment and finally feel useful again.

Her phone rang around 9:30pm, and she assumed it was Reid; she knew they were just finishing up a case, and he’d texted her when the jet was taking off to head back home from California, so the timing made sense.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Carmen answered her phone, unable to keep the smile from her face.

“Hey, I didn’t catch you at a bad time, did I?” The voice on the other end was most definitely not Reid, and Carmen immediately realized she’d answered a call from Prentiss.

“Emily.” Carmen tried not to sound surprised. “No, no, I’m good. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, we all just got in, I’m heading home now. Listen, I found out something interesting while we were in San Francisco.”

“Well, do tell,” Carmen said, not wanting to address the slight twinge of disappointment she felt that it wasn’t Reid on the other end.

“You know we missed Reid’s birthday? His _thirtieth_?”

“Oh shit,” Carmen whispered. “How did that happen?”

Prentiss sighed heavily. “I have no idea. And between you and me, I know you haven’t been at work these last few weeks, but if you could see him… he’s… I think he’s been questioning his place a little. In the BAU. And I think this last case got to him a little.”

“Is he okay?” Carmen asked.

“I think he will be. But I called because I wanted to see if you’re up to coming into the office when we go back in on Monday. Not for work; we want to surprise Reid, you know, make it up to him since we forgot his birthday. I’ll pick you up so no one sees your car, okay?”

“Yeah, that’d be great. Do I need to bring anything?”

“Just yourself. We’ve all missed you, but I’m sure seeing you back on your feet will be the icing on the proverbial cake for him. You guys seem like you’re pretty close.”

Rather than try and protest, especially with a profiler, Carmen told a half-truth. “That’s a more recent development. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Thanks, Em.”

Carmen hung up and immediately got into the shower, feeling a little jarred. How had they missed Reid’s birthday? Not one of them had remembered?

And she was more than ready to go in on a physical level. Mentally and emotionally though, she had to prepare herself to see the team. And especially Reid.

* * *

When Emily arrived at Carmen’s apartment on Monday morning, she was surprised to see how quickly Carmen made it down the stairs and into the car using only one crutch to support her injured leg while she carried a purple gift bag in her other hand.

“Wow, look at you. Are you going to try and talk Hotch into letting you on desk duty early?” Emily asked as Carmen got herself situated in the passenger seat.

“You know me too well. I figure I should get him while he’s in a good mood. If I have to spend another day in the apartment, I’m going to lose it,” Carmen told her. “Hell, one more good week and I could be field-ready. My doctor cleared me to travel-”

“Save it for Hotch,” Emily chuckled.

They joined the whole team at the office, with everyone except Reid arriving earlier than usual. Carmen was ushered into the briefing room, where she received gentle hugs from everyone and helped them set up the gifts and cake.

While Emily went to fetch Reid, Carmen took her place next to Hotch and began her pitch.

“So, since Prentiss was kind enough to drive me in this morning for this, I should probably just stay here for the rest of the day, right? I mean, I wouldn’t want her to have to leave early. And since I’m already here, it probably makes sense that I should just get myself acquainted with desk work. It’s been two and a half weeks, that’s _basically_ three-”

“I have never had to fight someone so hard to get them to take a vacation,” Hotch informed her, cutting off her spiel.

“It wasn’t a vacation, it was house arrest. Is that a yes?”

“Yes.”

Carmen fought to keep a smug smile from taking over her face. “Thank you, sir.”

Seconds later, Emily opened the briefing room door, and a very surprised Reid was met with a chorus of “Surprise!” and “Happy birthday!” as the team gathered around him and accosted him with hugs.

Carmen couldn’t believe how good it felt to see him again. The team had positioned her with the intent that she’d be the last one to approach him, so after Morgan had released Reid from their hug, she made herself visible.

Reid froze for a moment when he saw her, the smile and shock still on his face, so she moved forward to hug him, and he in turn wrapped an arm around her.

“Is this too many surprises?” she joked, a little worried that maybe she should have warned him she’d be in the building. When she pulled back, his arm was loosely around her waist.

“N-no, this is great, I just can’t believe you’re here,” Reid said.

Carmen saw Garcia picking up his cake so he could blow out the candles, and knew she needed to step away. She grinned at him. “Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

She pulled back before he could say anything and let Garcia present him with his cake. And when he blew out the candles, the smile on his face outshone anything Carmen had ever seen in her life.

* * *

Though Emily had taken her into the office, it was Reid who took Carmen home that evening.

When the two women started heading out, Reid cut in, offering to drop Carmen at her apartment instead, as it was closer to him than Emily, and she would have to go out of her way.

“It’s not a big deal,” Emily had said. Reid planned not to push it, but then Carmen jumped in.

“No, Em, it makes more sense - go ahead and go home, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Emily acquiesced, and Reid quickly gathered his things and walked out with Carmen to his car. They were silent until they were on the road.

“I’m sorry I never came over and saw you,” Reid finally said, his voice so soft that Carmen almost thought she’d imagined it.

“Reid, I understand.”

“No, I - I should have. At least once.”

“It’s not like you were avoiding me. You called and texted… and after what happened in the hospital, it’s okay to need a little space. I’m just glad we’re okay now.”

“I hated seeing you hurt,” he admitted. “It really messed with me. But seeing you there today… that was the best part.”

“Not the kisses from Rossi?”

“Close second."

Carmen laughed, and any remaining tension between them dissipated. “Well, thank Emily for that. God, I cannot _believe_ we missed your birthday. You can bet that’s not going to happen again. We’re going to make a _huge_ deal out of it every year from now on,” Carmen teased him.

“Today was special because it only happened once,” Reid told her.

“Afraid of too much of a good thing?”

Reid glanced over at her, his tongue coming out to wet his lips as his mouth suddenly felt dry. Their eyes met, and suddenly all the laughter was gone from Carmen’s face.

“...Sometimes,” he admitted.

Carmen nodded silently, her face getting warm. When they arrived at her apartment, Reid moved to help her out of the car, but she quickly shut him down.

“Thanks for the ride, I can manage up the steps myself,” she said, then saw the slightly crestfallen look on his face and realized how that sounded. She had just gotten so used to refusing excessive help. “But you’re welcome to come inside. We could order some dinner.”

“I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“You never could,” she said sincerely. “Come on.”

Once inside Carmen’s apartment, Reid tried not to appear as awkward as he felt, but they were both profilers and knew something was up. It was not lost on him that he’d never been in her apartment before unless he’d come with the explicit purpose of having sex with her.

He willed himself not to think of that at all, not to think of her that way. She didn’t need his mind in the gutter, she needed him to be a good friend.

“You’re probably tired of hearing this, but how are you feeling?” he asked her.

Carmen gave him a gentle smile. “Well, no matter how many times you hear it, it’s hard to be mad about it when you can hear in their voice that someone genuinely cares about the answer.” She sighed, taking a seat on her couch and patting the spot next to her. “Here’s the update. So, the bruises went from green to a really _fun_ shade of yellow. I think my road rash is mostly healed. My shoulder is really stiff in the morning but I think I can work that out eventually. My ankle is way better, I still can’t put much weight on it but I’m glad there’s progress. I was just so sick of being at home. The ingenuity of this _vacation_ has really worn off.”

“We all missed you,” Reid assured her. “Watching you and Rossi go back and forth is one of the best parts of being in the BAU office.”

“Yeah?” Carmen grinned, but it didn’t last. “I missed you guys, too. I realized, well…” she took a deep breath before continuing. “I think that in the last year, I’ve been nothing but the job. When I started, I felt the need to prove myself, and even though I don’t feel like that anymore, now it’s like… I know how much is at stake. I haven’t made room for anything else. And that’s become glaringly obvious. All my friends from outside work, they were so _shocked_ to hear from me. And if this hadn’t happened, who knows how long it would have been before I finally called them?”

“I’m probably guilty of the same thing,” Reid murmured. Carmen nudged him gently with her good shoulder.

“Then I guess it’s good we have each other, hmm?” She didn’t wait for his reply as she continued, “This job will consume you if you let it. So I guess I’ll just have to try harder to avoid that. Because if I get my ass kicked this hard again… I’m truly going to lose it. I don’t know how you did it when you got shot in the knee,” Carmen said, glancing down at Reid’s leg. “Does it still hurt?”

“Sometimes,” he admitted. “I try not to think about it.”

Carmen nodded solemnly, and after a few seconds of gathering her courage, she spoke up.

“JJ told me that you were in the hospital with me more than anyone else before I woke up. I don’t know if that was by chance or you did it on purpose, but either way... thank you. It means a lot to know that someone I trust has my back.” Spencer opened his mouth to reply, but Carmen jumped in before he could. “I know, I know, the whole team does. But I hope you know that I… I’ve got you too, you know?”

“I know,” Reid said, his voice coming out in little more than a whisper. Carmen had shifted so they were facing each other, and he was hyper-aware of everywhere he could feel the heat radiating off of her body.

“Good,” she replied, just as quietly.

They both knew that there wasn’t anything more that could be said between them - at least not with words. So Carmen took the initiative, and pulled Reid into a deep, searing kiss. Before long, she was situated in his lap, her hands in his hair, and her tongue in his mouth. His own hands gripped her waist, occasionally moving to explore the curves of her ass and the warm skin of her back that he felt under her shirt.

When they both pulled away to catch their breath, foreheads resting against each other, Reid chuckled.

“I hope you don’t think I offered to take you home just because I thought we’d do… this.”

“I hope you don’t think I took you up on it just because I was trying to get in your pants,” Carmen said, running her hands up and down his chest.

“We can stop here if you need to,” he told her. “I don’t want to push you into anything before you’re ready. I… don’t want to hurt you.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? No way. I’ve been craving this for _days_ ,” she laughed. “How about this?” She leaned in, nipping Reid’s ear before she continued, “Let’s place an order for delivery, and then while we wait, we can go back into my room and I’ll show you just how much better I feel.” She punctuated her offer with hot kisses up and down his neck, and Reid had to stifle a deep moan.

“O-okay.”

True to her word, once their order was made, Carmen led Reid back to her room and kissed him with all the fervor they’d shown on her couch. They took care in removing their clothes, stopping along the way to appreciate the sight of each other - something that at one point, neither had been sure if they’d see again.

Still, Reid couldn’t ignore the bruises that littered Carmen’s body. He tried not to draw attention, as he could tell by the way she was moving that she was uncomfortable with them, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the way they looked, the way they ached, or a mixture of both. He only looked at them as long as it took him to figure out where they were, so he could do his best to avoid them when he touched her.

When they were both fully undressed, she instructed him to get on her bed and lean back against her pillows. Pulling out a condom from her nightstand, she unwrapped it and let him put it on while she got herself situated on top and straddled his thighs, not yet letting the most sensitive parts of themselves touch. She continued to kiss him, one hand firmly on his neck and the other on his upper thigh, so close to where he wanted her, _needed_ her… but not quite there.

She considered teasing him a little while longer, but they were under a time constraint, so she reached down and grasped his hard cock, ghosting her fingers around the shaft and over the tip. Shifting slightly, she let him feel how wet and ready for him she was by positioning him just at her entrance, not giving him the satisfaction of being inside her.

“Please,” he groaned. “Please, _please_ let me feel you.” One of his hands came up to her hair and grabbed some of the long curls, tugging slightly. Carmen let out a sharp gasp at the mildly painful, yet completely exhilarating sensation. She complied with his wishes, slowly sinking down on his cock and biting into his shoulder while she felt her inner walls stretch around him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she whimpered, letting herself be completely filled by him before she started to move. Careful not to jostle her bad ankle too much, she began to ride him, bracing herself with a hand on the headboard of the bed.

Reid tucked his head and took one of her nipples in his mouth, alternating between sharp flicks and soft swirls of his tongue. He moved to her other breast after a few moments, and that combined with the way their hips were moving together had her making the most delicious, ruined sounds. His hands were firmly on her hips, fingers digging into the soft flesh there as their rhythm gained speed, his hips snapping up to meet hers and pushing him even deeper inside.

She leaned back, removing her hand from the headboard, and let it slip down where their bodies joined, the pad of her middle and ring fingers rubbing her clit as she took him from a new angle.

“You look so incredible like this,” Reid said, his voice completely awestruck.

“I feel fucking incredible,” she told him, absolutely euphoric. “Ahh, oh god, I’m gonna come, Reid, fuck, I missed this _so_ much…”

When her orgasm hit her, Carmen surged forward and captured Reid’s lips in another heated kiss, biting down hard on his lower lip. He moaned into her mouth and began to get reckless with his pace, slamming up into her until he felt his own release coming.

“Carmen…” He said her name, and it was both a confession of sin and the most revelatory prayer. With her walls still pulsing around him, he came, his head thrown back and his eyes clenched shut.

They were both panting, needing a few minutes to come down from their respective highs. Warm and a bit sweaty, Carmen lifted herself off and laid down next to him. Reid removed the condom, tied it off, and threw it in the wastebasket next to her bed.

Once the post-sex fog began to clear from her mind and she was able to form words, Carmen couldn’t help but giggle. “God, who would have ever thought we’d be so sexually compatible?”

Reid wasn’t quite sure how to respond, but before he could think of something sufficient, her doorbell rang and she bolted upright.

“There’s the food. I’ll be right back.” Without her crutch, she hobbled slightly, but threw on a black t-shirt that was many sizes too big, the hem going all the way to her knees, and went to answer the door.

Reid also stood, pulling on his clothes and trying to wipe the smile from his face. In that moment, he felt like the luckiest son of a bitch in the entire world.

He wasn’t thinking about how they couldn’t possibly keep this up forever. And he willed himself not to fall back on the thought he’d had many times - that Carmen would eventually find someone else, someone she _actually_ wanted to be with, and it would be over for them. Over for him. Because in that moment, he had her. He could pretend she was his; not many people could say that. He found that these moments of happiness, of levity, were fleeting, so he would hold onto it for dear life. He would hold onto her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more part left to go. Thank you all for reading, and especially those of you who have left kudos and/or comments. I'll try to not make you guys wait as long for part 3!


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